Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
