He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
