You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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