Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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