We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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