is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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