Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
