Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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