Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
