if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
