I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
