I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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