its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
