I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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