Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
