I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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