You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
