I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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