you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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