hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
