During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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