he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I still have a little drunk in my system
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
