we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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