You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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