He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
