I think my vagina is haunted
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
