I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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