"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
