I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
