I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
