yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
