you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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