On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
