i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
