apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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