hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Someone shit on the floor
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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