I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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