my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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