Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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