i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
