what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
