i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
