Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
