$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
