I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
