he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
