and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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