Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
