I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
