Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am one with the molecules
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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