I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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